You never know when it's going to hit or what will trigger it, but when it does it floors you for a moment and takes your breath away. You feel it begin in the pit of your tummy and tug at your heart. Your chest tightens and you find it difficult to breathe. Your throat is closed up and you don't trust yourself to speak...and you miss them.
It's an intense all-consuming feeling and for a few minutes you are lost in thoughts of them. How their breath tickled your ear when they whispered into it. How you smiled. How at night you would lie wrapped up in them.
You can't imagine feeling this way about someone ever again. How could you? No one else could possibly laugh the same way that they did - like butter melting in the sun. You couldn't fit so perfectly into someone else’s arms. You can't even begin to even pretend to yourself that you will get that swooping sensation in the pit of your belly when they catch your eye.
Suddenly every sad song was written for you. You listen to Adele on repeat and it helps numb you. When someone you don't know writes on their Facebook you stalk them. You re-read old messages and wonder how it changed. You try to keep yourself as busy as possible but try as you might they creep into your thoughts when you least expect it.
But then one day you will wake up and realize that those memories that flooded you with so many feelings suddenly only evoke a vague smile. And the thought of them smiling the way they used to smile at you at someone else doesn't give you gut wrenching pain, it’s just a stab. You still miss them but you have accepted it. You can hear their name, without feeling your heart shatter – it’s more of a twitch. You see them and somehow manage to exchange polite smiles and conversation. They tell you they are dating someone. It sucks but you manage to be okay with it.
And you really do wish them well.