Of Diaries, Drowning, and Confusion

I have almost forgotten how to write one of those long ambiguous posts that is essentially just a bunch of my thoughts falling all over the place - that I have the overwhelming need to just put down on paper (figuratively speaking obviously).

I'm sure there are people reading this and thinking I should get a diary. I used to keep diaries for years...then I stopped writing for a while and when I picked up again, I had changed. I still write my feelings (as sappy as that sounds) just - differently. Writing has always been form of therapy for me, and as I have said again and again - I write primarily for me. Not even the awful experiences of my preadolescence ramblings being read out to entire classroom by bullies (late to become friends in that strange process of growing up) has taken away the release that comes with writing my feelings.

The point of this post (finally, I can hear some of you groan) is a question. Have you ever felt like this. Technically your life is on track. You have a career plan, law school is almost done, you have wonderful people who bring good energy in your life - technically you're not drowning. But somehow there is this empty, pulsing thing inside of you - reminding you with each heartbeat that you are not complete. And you know, you really know what it is - but admitting it to yourself makes it real, and you're nowhere ready to let this be real.

Maybe its exam stress that is making me over think and over analyze. Maybe not. And from experience I know when I let it go, leave it to the universe - it will fall into place. It is only in hindsight that we can understand why people do what they do and why things happen they way they did. In middle of it, you just need to keep the faith.

So this one is for all those confused and frightened souls - who know why they are confused and frightened but not ready to face it. Its hard and a million times easier said than done, but all we need to do is breathe. Take it a day at a time. And remember all the times we more than survived - we triumphed. And we will triumph again.


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