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(Fictional prose after a long time - although this is not quite a short story, somewhere in between. Pain, frustration, love and fear - all better written than felt as they say. Enjoy!)
She glared at him, for the first time in years feeling the full force of anger rise up within. It wasn’t anger alone in the cocktail of emotions that she struggled to articulate. There was hurt, fear and pain - with a dash of pride thrown in. She loved him. God knows she loved him, and in his own way she could not deny that he loved her too – but was it enough?
He cowed beneath her gaze that fixed steadily on him. Her eyes were filled with tears, and he could see the hurt and pain that he knew he had caused etched on that beautiful face.
Shame and fear rose up within – “This could be it!” the voice in his head whispered, “You have pushed her too far!! If she walks something tells me she isn’t ever coming back”
Finally she turned around, anger gone – hurt and pain remaining. She spoke,
"Tell me, should I be insulted or flattered that it is only drunk you are able to find the courage to say what you do? Should I settle for a life where it seems only your feelings, your convenience, and YOUR dreams are what matters and not mine? You claim to love me, you swear you can’t live without me and you swear there is no one like me.
But in those words you also manage to suggest that my feelings don’t matter – you assume anytime you decide to come calling I will be there. You somehow manage to make me feel like the only reason you want to be with me – is coz you don’t want to search anymore.
All I want is for you to tell me you love me – for who I wholly am. That the reason you want to be with me is because of that – and nothing else. Show me you are willing to do whatever it takes to be in my life – don’t take it for granted. Tell me that loving me is pleasure not pain, and there is no one else you want.Tell me you love me WITH my flaws, because of them- not in spite of them. Tell me no one else will make you feel the way I do.
you can do this – if you can show me that I mean something to you outside of drunken confessions and frightened dreams. Then I am yours, body mind and soul. But the choice is yours – and if you can’t then I will walk because I know I deserve better, even if what I want is you”
She gazed at him, tears gone – steady, sure and beautiful. The choice was his. What would he choose?