Lines and Crossing Them
The hardest place to draw lines, and yet the one where the subject is continually raised - is in relationships. The myriad of names we have to label ‘connections’ with is amazing – boyfriend/girlfriend, hookup, just physical, fling seeing where this is going, booty call – and that’s not even the half of it. And what baffles me the most is that the people, who require the definitions most of the time, aren’t even a part of the equation in question.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again. Tell your friends you hooked up more than once with someone – they immediately ask, “So what are you guys together now?” Worse tell them about a date that happened more than once and they badger you with questions of, “so where is this going?”
Is it that we require lines and definitions for ourselves or for others? And if you don’t need a definition but they do, does that thinking affect how you deal with the situation at hand?
And the blurriest thing is that even once you have defined whatever it is in acceptable terms – the question of what is acceptable to do within those terms arises. If you are just hooking up, then are you allowed to hold his hand when you’re in public? What about flirting with someone else, if there is a definition is it allowed? Do all these need to be discussed? Or is it better to go all Carrie and Mr. Big in Sex and the City 2 and ‘make up our own rules?’
Lines work sometimes. They help you see boundaries and help you figure out how to do what’s best for you. And it is important to have that. But at the same time they can be too restrictive and result in you never taking a chance, which in many cases is worse than taking the chance and falling.
“You can spend your life drawing lines. Or you can spend your life crossing them. But maybe there are some lines that are too dangerous to cross” -Meredith Grey
Like calling that guy who was a jerk to you when you are piss drunk and telling him you want him. That’s definitely crossing the line of stupidity. But taking a leap and telling someone you’re not okay with something or drawing a line for your relationship – that’s staying safe.
The lines are for you to draw, cross or stay within. Not anyone else.