changed? who me?

I met an old friend of mine last week, someone whom i hadn't seen for about five years. her parents and mine were very close friends and we had essentially grown up together. then the year we both turned eleven, her family migrated to Australia and has come back until now. Apart from a few emails a year and the birthday phone call, we hadn't spoken since she left and before I met her I almost anticipated meeting a whole new girl. After spending a week with her I decided that she hadn't changed all that much. well she had acquired an Aussie accent, a few blond streaks in her hair and the natural change in interests that comes when you get older. According to her on the other hand i had changed a great deal and this got me thinking :) had i really?

The answer? yes.

At eleven my world was heck of a lot different than it is now and well is been a crazy ride from that point to this. The famous question springs to mind. "you can go back and relive your life. what would you change?"

Gawd. There a few things i would change. Starting with risk-taking. When I was younger, I always played it safe. I never let go and took a risk and i never dared to dream too big because i was afraid. I remember being too afraid to audition for my drama school's production and that i something I'll always regret. and what I've definitely learnt is to live life without regrets!

Another thing i would change is i wish i had stopped worrying about what people think much earlier. i was always worried about what people would think of me if i did something or said something. now i realize how stupid that is because it only matter what you think.

The last thing i would change i not standing up for myself. As a younger kid i was often pushed around and for some reason i never spoke up and let people know that it was not OK to treat me this way. It would have saved me a lot of hurt from some of my so-called friends who's idea of friendship was to always make me feel like i wasn't good enough and never would be.

But now I've grown up and changed. I take risks, i get up there and and give everything a shot. i dream big because who knows? I might get there someday! I've stopped worrying about what people think of me and go for what i want. I don't care if they think I'm too loud, not smart enough, too annoying or not pretty enough. I'm me and you can take it or leave it.

And my friends. The last word i would use to describe them is so-called. These guys are my backbone, my bitches, my bombshells. They make my laugh when i wanna cry, give it to me straight and love me for who i am. And i love these guy to death! You make me who i am my accepting me. I love y'all :)

Have i changed? Heck yes. and for the better I think. That girl i see in the mirror i in so many ways not the one who looked back five years ago. She worries less, takes more risks and puts herself out there no matter what may happen. And she smiles, big and wide, while accepting what life throws at her with open arms.